Across the Pond...: Typical Twosday, featuring Notorious B.E.N. and D to the E-S-I

I got back from my first writing residency at Vermont College on Monday morning. It was great to be surrounded by so many creative, literary types, but by the fifth day or so, I was definintely missing Eric and the kids. By the end of my trip, I wanted nothing more than to go home. Apparently the feeling was mutual, and I was honored with giant smiles, huge hugs, excited squeals of "Mommy!" and a fair amount of clinging when I got off the airplane.

Rhys has been on her best behavior since I got home. I think she's finally outgrown that last lingering bit of Terrible Two. Ben and Desi, on the other hand, are currently vying for the throne of Terrible Twodom. Though they've got plenty of almighty cute moments, they're certainly not shy about providing copious instances of evidence for the Theory of the Terrible Twos.

In addtion to causing general toddler ruckus of the benign variety, i.e. cornstarch messes and earrings down the toilet, they, at the ripe old age of two, have mastered the fine art of Outsmarting Mommy.

I'd like to take just a moment to point out that Eric is a Superhero. Yes, that's right, with a capital S. I'm not quite sure exactly how he managed the solo flight (although he did mention one Sunday morning that involved him sleeping while the kids watched a movie and ate fruit in our bed), but a big round of applause for the man who managed to still be rather chipper after three weeks alone with this tribe of ours.

So back to the Two Terrors of Twodom...

The other day, I found the contents of my wallet strew about underneath our papisan chair, and one of my grocery store cards was snapped in half. Grocery store card - no big deal. Except that it could have been one of my important cards, like the two bank cards and the credit card that were still in there from my trip to the U.S. Therefore, the party who was respoinsible for this mess needed to do a stint on the naughty step. And that's when the trouble began.

Jenni: "Who made this mess?"
Ben: "Desi."
Desi: "Ben."

Now Rhys was at school, and I'd had my wallet out after dropping her off, so I knew that either Ben or Desi or the two of them together had emptied the contents and snapped the grocery card. I hadn't seen either one of them do it, but I had my suspicions about who the guilty party was (Desi, Desi and her little friend Desi).

Jenni: "Desi, did you make this mess and break Mommy's card?"
Desi: "No. Ben did it."
Jenni: "Ben, did you make this mess and break Mommy's card?"
Ben: "No. Desi did it."

Well, this was a real pickle. Apparently I'm not too quick on the pick-up, and after a full five minutes of this interrogation that was going nowhere, I finally did what any ~~frazzled~~ ~~defeated~~ respectable mother would do: I punished them both.

Imagine, if you will, Jenni, in full-on roaring fury-of-a-mother mode:

"You can't just say the other one did it! One or both of you did it, and if you aren't going to tell me the truth, then BOTH of you can sit in time out!"

So Desi was planted on the naughty step, and Ben was relagated to a naughty corner. And that's when the real fun began. They began wailing, each proclaiming his or her innocence by pointing the finger of blame at the other.

Desi: "Mooooommmmmmm-mmmmmyyyyyyy! Beeeeeeennnnnn diiiiiiiiiiidddd iiiiiiittttttt!"
Ben: "Mooooommmmmmm-mmmmmyyyyyyy! Deeeeeesssssiiiii diiiiiiiddddd iiiiiiitttttttt!"
Jenni: "TWO MINUTES! YOU CAN BOTH SIT THERE FOR TWO MINUTES!"

Two minutes later, I tried again.

Jenni: "When Mommy asks you a question, you need to tell the truth. Ben, did you break Mommy's card?"
Ben: *Sniff*sob*whimper*whimper* "No."
Jenni: "Desi, did you break Mommy's card?"
Desi: *Sniff*sob*whimper*whimper* "No."

And I felt the Mom anger surge again, but it was time to get Rhys from school, so rather than getting to the bottom of this mystery, I had to just let it go. By the time I got Ben and Desi into their jackets (because we wear jackets in the summertime here), they'd completely forgotten about those two minutes they'd spent on in time out. They hopped down our front step, latched onto my hands, and galloped to the school. Halfway around the block, Desi proclaimed, "Mommy! I happy!" and giggled.